My vision blurs, as if to say,
"You deserve to feel this way".
And all my weak attempts to stand
won't stop this earthquake in my hands.
As I breathe in air just comes out.
I can't retain the words you shout.
The structure of my life unwinds.
With nothing to lose I lose my mind.
I find myself wanting to rest
this angry drum inside my chest.
If only I could cut a vein
and let it sleep another day.
I'll force my insides from within
onto this smooth white porcelline.
But my throat's too scarred to make it through.
I guess this blade will have to do.
Look me in the eyes as I roll down my sleeves.
Speak your words while my bones shiver as they please.
I've such fear that I won't be the thing you need.
Conversations die and I feel so guilty.
I've lost my ability to feel. All is numb and I don't know what's real.
Days aren't days. They're obstacles that must be faced.
God I just want to get out of this place.
Oh it's so loud in here. The sounds of people without fear who will converse while I sit here. I've no lines to contribute to this simple dialogue. I guess the writers preferred me an extra, so I've no monologue. No lines to form suspense and resolve. Just a beer in hand and a chair to sit on. It seems that my young mind holds no information that they will find worthy of discussion for any time.
Please just get out of my head. No, I don't need your judgement tearing through my skin 'till it's red. I'll lock the door up so tight. Alone inside my room's the only place that I can feel right. As I lay in the dark I endure a constant shaking and an angry beating of my heart. So now inside my sheets I pray my brain will finally grant me a bit of sleep, only for me to wake up and repeat.
credits
from Fun To Pretend - EP,
released April 8, 2016
Performed by:
Nick Redmond
Jason Bolich
Ricky Marasigan
Justin Vanegas
Zach Rice
Written by: Septacy
Produced by: Septacy
Engineered by: Jason Bolich
Mixed and Mastered by: Justin Vanegas
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